Monday, February 06, 2006

Saturday night continued...

Okay... so I head back into the bar with a renewed sense of purpose and the will to conquer the other girl and break her spirit... umm... so not really all that dramatic, but I did assure myself that she wouldn't be touching him anywhere below the belt again.

So a brief synopsis of Paul at the bar and and how amazing he is... bulleted for your ease...

-So much fun to dance with... not a dry humper which is actually a common problem among dancing men... but sexual enough that you consider the possibility of taking him home...

-Doesn't ignore his friends and makes everyone feel important while still making me feel like I might just be slightly more important in the whole scheme of things...

- Not sloppy drunk (AKA Candied)...

- Danced with me outside for some smoke free time... seems minor, but it made my night... incredibly sweet on so many levels... greatly increased his score in the Lacey Date-With-Ease Point System...

- (Now here's where things go a little more than slightly amuck) Maintained a polite demeanor with other girl despite her continued decline on the drunk scale and her blantant attempts to thwart my plans...

-Did I mention that this Paul fellow is totally hot with the most amazing smile? Not to mention that he has great fashion sense without crossing the line to metro... it's a fine line that we should all stay on the right side of...

- Lastly, those little things that guys say sometimes and they don't think much of having said it, but it so makes you giddy... "I'm glad you came tonight..." Hehe... I'm a simple girl, so that's really all it takes.

Okay, so onto crazy time...

Other girl, who will hence forth be known as Hilda (because I don't know any Hildas, thus decreasing my chances of offending anyone with choice of names... selected as always to protect the innocent... or those who end up in jail... whatever, I'm equal opportunity protection), comes out of nowhere crying. I think she is asking Paul to take her to the bathroom... Umm... Hell no. I think we all know why someone asks a person of the opposite sex to go to the bathroom with them at the bar... unless it's my friend Seth and I and then it's only because 6th street has its moments of creepy late at night.

So, thwarting her plan to thwart my plan... I offer to take her to the restroom... and besides girls do sorta have that unwritten restroom rule and who am I to break years of tradition? So there she sits on the toilet, rambling on about her past heartbreaks and traumas with no pants on while I try to remember what her name so I can offer a simple, "it's okay, Hilda... guys are always lame like that..." Don't stress guys, that's another unwritten rule.. you have to agree that guys always suck even though they don't...

So many of the details of the bathroom confab will be omitted simply due to the unknown readership and the possibility of striking far too many nerves... but here's the kicker...

Hilda: "So you and Paul..."

Me: "So... me and Paul?"

Hilda: "Are you here with him?"

Me: "No, I'm here with you... he's out there dancing.."
(It's easy to be a smart ass when the other person is candied.)

Hilda: "I'm in love with Paul."

Me: ......... (Smart ass or no... what was I supposed to say to that?)

Brief break in the story... I frickin' love Jason Mraz... Makes me want to do a little dance in my cube.

I feel the need to fast forward to time to leave as there are moments of shots and drinks and dancing and random guys (including some cute fellow who said he liked girls in glasses... little did he know my self esteem is high enough that such a blatant reference to something not entirely thought attractive by society was quickly deflected as pure fodder.)

So we head out... as we stand outside, Hilda states that she has forgotten her jacket and asks Paul to come with her to get it... again, seriously, Hilda... So I offer to go at which point she decides that her jacket "only cost $13" so she could leave it. Well, I take her to find it amid more tears though it appears that her $13 jacket (if it ever truly existed) is gone. So back outside we go. As we split into vehicles, everyone seems to avoid the basic problem, who will take Hilda.

Well, I figure I've seen her sans pants, so surely I could stand her being in my car, besides her IQ is almost genious level (she told the engineer and the former women in engineering scholar) so it was bound to be a fabulous ride full of intelligent conversation and mind stretching introspection with the refelction of other well toned intellectuals...

Does intelligent conversation usually include another slurred candied... "Paulll, you know I think you are cute and... well... I should just leave it at that..." "Great," I think... "she should have left it at the bar in the bottle and maintained some sort of composure..." Even the 2 fistin', pass out in a computer chair, 0.02 at noon the next day guy maintained an adult level of behavior...

Now, not knowing Hilda from Eve... I have no warning for what comes next... In fact the whole scenario seemed to play out in slow motion as I realized she was misplacing her affection on Paul, when it is (according to Hilda)...

-BRACE YOURSELF-

... Paco who is the father of her baby to be... (insert 1950's horror flick screams and you will approach the level of drama we were falling into)
Yes, at sequin top's acceptance of Paco's invitation to crash at Paul and Paco's place, Hilda shreeked, "YOU ARE SUCH AN ASS HOLE!" She followed this little gem with the idea that she (who had drowned her newly created baby in a pool of poorly selected adult beverages... I mean can they swim 6 days after conception?) was in fact pregnant with Paco's love child from the weekend before...

A quick message from Diana Ross:

You think that I don't feel love
What I feel for you is real love
In other's eyes I see reflected
A hurt, scorned, rejected
Love child
Never meant to be
Love ChildBorn in poverty
Love Child
Never meant to be
Love Child
Take a look at me

Thanks Diana... now back to the story... Drama escalates and the only logical solution for Paco is Whataburger. I can't argue with this logic... even as a vegetarian, Whataburger seems to offer refuge and hope for a brighter tomorrow... so into the SUV I go and it's off to Whataburger.
Now there are two flaws in the Whataburger refuge plan...

1. The two people who actually live at the condo (Paco and Paul) were in the SUV on the way to Whataurger leaving crazy pants Hilda back at their place with some other folks.

2. We were missing great material for my blog by skipping out when Hilda decided to call her dad who apparently hung up on her... Crap.

Upon arrival back from Whataburger things just all crammed together... things were happening at such a rate that it became hard to keep up with all the drama. I can only assume it would be like watching Days of Our Lives and General Hospital at the same time using picture in picture... in French.

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