Monday, December 18, 2006

Too Messy for Desk Sex

How sad a day it is when I realized that my desk is far too messy for desk sex. The movies lead us astray with the notion that someone might actually knock everything off their desk with the intention of some passionate, primal action... but alas... it is but a lie. You see... the items on my desk are too important for me to just knock them around. Even if we are talking about some gorgeous man who is well groomed and relatively hair free... with excellent hygeine and great teeth... with a steady job and a 401k... and who loves dogs and Christmas...

And then it hits me... my work has taken some sort of strange precedence over... ummm... well... that other stuff.... or has it?

Earlier today, one of the other employees of this fine establishment asked me what I wanted for Christmas. For one fleeting moment I considered clearing my desk of papers... then I just chuckled to myself... realizing that he meant, "I am going shopping at the conservative kid store and I feel obligated to get you something... would you like lotion, a dvd or a candle?" Again though, a chuckle rose from within me... as I thought of the lotion and the candle and the cleaned off desk top... NO LACEY! Conservative kid stores don't sell that kind of lotion... they sell Oil of Olay and Ponds...

Sadly at this point I was just distracted... Off and on for the remainder of the day I weighed my options and sorted out the possible implications of each...

Throw caution to the wind, use a jersey as a pillow and get fired for sexual harrasment, but never make it to trial due to an untimely death caused by the embarassment of a coworker seeing me in all my glory...

Ask for the candle... light the candle... listen to a little jazz... be depressed thinking about how much better the desk thing would have been... put my head down to cry a little and catch my hair on fire...

Wait until my desk is cleaner to throw caution to the wind... and ask for the candle so that the smell of passion can be masked by the over the top smell of ocean breeze, though the ocean in Daytona smelled of salt and dead fish... catch my hair on fire still and then get fired...

I guess we will all have to wait for another day to sort this out. For now I am off to the gym... Can't go five days without a workout... besides I need to get in shape for the love fest or the stop drop and roll... whichever route I decide looks better...

No comments: