Thursday, April 26, 2007

For important info... scroll to bottom.

1. Where was your last kiss?On the twat...

2. Why did your last relationship end?His lack of hockey knowledge and my lack of patience in explaining icing.

3. Three words to explain why you last threw up?Vicodin and Bueno

4. Have you ever burned yourself?Like insulted myself... as in.. "oooo dang... burnnnnn...."?

5. What's crazy to you?That I'm getting old... and I can't seem to stop it.

6. Favorite swear word:naughty naughty... that's not the sort of thing you have a favorite of...

7. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?hehe... I hope a ton of folks... it means you've made it to a super cool status if people talk about you...

8. What is your biggest secret?I had sex with a man who's had sex with a man who lived in Africa... kidding... though I wonder, if you have... do you lie to the Red Cross blood drive people?

9. Would you ever want to be a model?ummm... a model citizen... vote vote vote...

11. Do you tell white lies?no but yeh but no but yeh but...

12. When is your next party?tomorrow... who's in?

13. Where do you want to be right now?Bed...

14. One word to describe your most recent ex?Male

15. How do you handle a break up?hit the gym and burn them in effegy... again kidding... about the gym.

16. Your motivation for tomorrow?umm... I like food... thus I must be motivated to work... to buy food...

17. Last person to hurt you?Dr Scott... jerk cut a hole in my neck

18. Last person to make you laugh?Peyton... funny girl...

19. Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?Who hasn't.. that's how you know your true friends...

20. Do you ever go a few days without changing your underwear?hahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahaha... no...

21. Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect?define accidentally... But no, I am not one of the moth eaters... peer pressure...

22. Have you ever thrown up from drinking?again... true friends... yadda yadda... of course.

23. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?sure... I don't think Norman Reedus is attainable... or that David Wallaims sees me as a blip on his radar...

24. Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it?yes... Is that bad?

25. Do you own an Ipod?Nope

27. What serial killer do you find most disturbing?Hmmm... tough one... they all freak me out...

28. Do you ever talk to the TV?only when I'm watching sports...

29. Would you ever work in a retirement home?Don't think so...

30. Do you believe plants have feelings?Yes and mine are sad when I am away... because Reidle doesn't play them Modest Mouse... or water them... tear...

31. Do you laugh at people with "basin" haircuts?I don't descriminate when I make fun of people...

32. Do you have nervous twitches?yes...

33. Are you ever purposely irritating?at times... : )

34. If you could fly, where would you go first?up

36. Love or lust?lost... haha have love and half lust makes you lost... that's how I feel...

37. Two best friends or 10 acquaintances?Two best friends

38. Do you believe in pixies?seriously?

39. Do you believe that your first love never dies?no

40. What upcoming event are you waiting and ready for?tomorrow... that's all the energy I have

41. Current smell?like game day

42. Do you get your nails done?nope

44. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonald's?apparently a shake, though Reid must have eaten it since I remember nothing of the sort.

45. Are you an emotional person?No... I'm a cold hearted snake.. look into my eyes... oh oh-oh... I've been telling lies.

46. Do you like your name?sure

47.What are you wearing right now?clothes... cotton ones...

48. Who's the best person in bed?Lacey... hell yes... she's awesome...

49. Do you work?too much...

50. Do you dance naked in your room at night?No... only during the day...

51. What are you listening to right nowrain and lightning

52. Biggest fear?having a snake spring off the ground, bite my eyeball, and swim into my head...

53.Who knows everything about you?Jodi

54. How long have you been a part of myspace?too long...

55. Favorite place to be?water (pool, river, beach... I'm not picky)

56. Least favorite place to be?in a pile of raw sewage perhaps?

57. Do you hate anybody?no... i tried to think of some clever combo for hate (like lost from love and lust... but all I could get out was half and ate and I haven't half eaten anyone...)

58. Does anyone hate you?It's possible

59. How many people do you trust fully?Not including family...4

60. Can you put your whole fist in your mouth?ummm... no, but that doesn't stop me from trying...

Now the truth... I only posted this as a blog so I could answer number one... I'm lame but amused...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Too Small to Fill the Hole in My Neck

A few weeks back I had a pitty party about the lack of a monster in my box and a few other such woes... since then, I had a small drain hole cut in my neck to let some icky infection come out and and I have been reduced to hillbilly holes where two of teeth used to be... now the lack of a monster in my box seems like such a small problem it wouldn't even fill the hole in my neck... which at this point is a very small hole.

I have in fact decided that if the other day when I blew my nose it was broccoli cheese soup that came out... it was a blessing... those are calories that I didn't injest... and really what harm is there in soup coming out my nose?

I am over Paul. Pity-party-Lacey thought otherwise, but healthy-went-to-the-driving-range-doesn't-need-a-monster-in-her-box-painted-her-fingernails-bought-flowers-for-her-patio-Lacey is over him. That Lacey remembers breakup number one... two... and three. And after all, they do say third time's a charm right?

I am going shopping to remedy the lack of cute go-to-the-bar-and-dance-like-a-maniac tops in my closet... and I am also buying a new suit... saw it last weekend and now it's on sale. It's like God wants me to go shopping and he is giving me signs... 25% off signs. Thanks for the guidance.
For the whole "I have been lying to myself about the dryer shrinking my clothes"... turns out the dryer has been shrinking my clothes. I picked up my dry cleaning and that stuff fits just fine... if it's not a wee bit baggy. Sweet.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Who's the Boss?

Last chance to dance little man. You know who you are.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

There's a Monster in my Box and Other Such Issues

My brother sent me a lovely gift of an ice tray... that makes shot glasses... which is now located in the mini fridge at work...

This is not one of my issues... I am very pleased with the shot glasses and even attempted to utilize them last night upon realizing that I felt terrible, decided to put off drinking at work until tonight (when hopefully the team wins and we can stop fretting about making it to round two). The issue is that on top of the box there was a monster... the little rubber kind that fit on your finger. Classy... I love those. In fact I have used this little monster puppet to flip people off now for three days... highly enjoyable... Now for the issue:

Frack says to me, "where did you get that?"

I'm all, "the monster was in my box"

So Frack makes a "box" for the finger monster to live in...

Frickin' Frack! Thanks for reminding how empty my box is... no man, no skyy, no monster... grrrr Frack.

Now the whole, no-moster-in-my-box issue would be a non issue if... I mean IF... I didn't want something in my box and something more than something in the box from Frack. I'm frickin' mad at Frack.

So Frack has some little secret with Little Miss I'm Better Than You and instead of keeping it to himself, he teases me with it while I am trying to go to sleep with my only loyal friends... asthma and sinus infection... and then... "I can't tell you... because after all... I'm going to act like a girl..."

Again... frickin Frack..... grrrrrrrrrrr...

So then, I get up the nerve to say, "Hey Frack, I'm putting myself out there... which I rarely do... and I know that you know how wildly insecure I am and how I would sonner die alone than be rejected... but how 'bout coming with me to event XYZ..."

Frack: (long pause.... really really really long pause... rip your heart out and make you eat it even though you are a vegetarian pause...)

Me: Okay, that's a no.... Sorry, nevermind...

Frack: No... you mean... what... like a date? (could there have been more disgust and disdain in the way he said date!?!)

Me: No, nevermind (then internally... "YES! A DATE! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW COOL I AM?"... clearly I was scrwaming inside my head, which caused a headache, or was the headache from the uncomforatble rush of blood that was forming at the surface of my face...)

Seriously... I suck. I need to get it together and quick looking at Frack like that. He doesn't see me as anything even remotely in the realm of dating or hotness or someone he would take home to dear old mom and dad, so thus I resign myself to going out tonight with a deep red lipstick and hooker shoes in the hopes that some middle aged man will validate my existence with an off color pick up line to which I can pretend to be Frack and say with disdain... "you mean like on a date?"

Other minor issues to make you feel better about your own lives:

1. I ate broccoli cheese soup and later when I blew my nose... I'm pretty sure it was broccoli cheese soup.

2. Paul is over me and I am not entirely sure that I have ever been over him.

3. I have no cute go-to-the-bar-and-dance-like-a-maniac tops in my closet.

4. I have been lying to myself about the dryer shrinking my clothes...

Monday, April 02, 2007

The Need for Validation

Everyone seems to need to feel validated in some way. Everyone needs that small bit of "you're special." But why? Why do we feel like less because other people don't tell us we should feel like more? I say it's all crap. I rock. I know it's true... you know it's true... but see, I'm tired of waiting on you to tell me. So I from now on...
"Lacey..."
"Yes Lacey?"
"You are the coolest chick I know. When guys don't see that it's because they are too busy measuring their little man bits to notice."
"Lacey, I think you are pretty cool too. And when your boss yells at you it's only because your aura is blinding him and he has to yell because he can't see you are standing so close."
"Oh Lacey, that's so nice of you! I do have a bright shiny aura. And Lacey..."
"Yes?"
"When you are at home alone, it's not because people didn't want to invite you, it's because they feared rejection because you are so socially swamped and super amazing that they were sure you wouldn't come."
"Lacey, I have often times thought that was the case. I feel so warm and fuzzy and validated now."