Wednesday, April 30, 2008


In my email (as if I don't get enough junk about viagra, putting some money from Africa in my bank account, etc) today was reminder about an event that I have no desire to attend. For the sake of shortening the email, I will only include the high points and a short commentary on why I am not impressed.

1. Join Suburban Northwest Kiwanis
-I'm not in kiwanis and don't want to be.
2. ...and our friends from the Dallas Cowboys, Dallas Stars and Texas Rangers
-Kiwanis has friends with the Cowboys, Stars and Ranger? Sure they do... wink wink
3. $10 donation at the door includes:
-$10 to go to a bar that never has a cover? That's a genius way to get people to come.
4. Great hors d'oeuvres and non-alcoholic beverages 'til 9pm
-So now I get "great" appetizers and water that technically cost me $10.
5. ...and drink specials until 11pm
-The same they usually have without the $10 cover and the Kiwanis people?
6. Silent auction of awesome prizes
-I get to spend more money? How could anyone not want to go??? Who does this even benefit? No one know.
7. AND Mingling with professional athletes from the Dallas Cowboys, Dallas Stars and Texas Rangers!
-This part could be my biggest complaint. The Stars were playing that night as were the Rangers... so do I have to leave the bar that I paid $10 to come in when I could have gone the next night for free and drive to the ballpark or downtown to the AAC to do this mingling? Don't promise garbage like this if you can't deliver. As someone who spent a number of years working in sports, frankly I'm a bit disgusted. This was also mentioned in the email subject line.
8. 100% of proceed benefit... and where the need is the greatest.
-So my original issue of not knowing where the money was going... mystery not solved.
9. In Kiwanis, "WE BUILD!"
-Build what? Emails full of crap?

Now I was tempted to leave the name and phone number that were on the original email, but even I don't have that much of a mean streak. Besides, I'm sure the "fans" who didn't realize the Stars and Rangers were playing already let said person have it when they got the bar and could only mingle with the televisions that were showing the games and thus the players.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

First Date, Pizza and Wine

Denver is just as funny in real life and my verbal filter was just as absent. So for tonight I will count the reasons that if I were him I wouldn't call me again...

1. Today I talked to him about the following:
- My opinions on welfare
- Vacation plans that include alligators and wild hogs
- Cooties
- Ex boyfriends
- Religion
- The notion that booze leads to sex
- Wiccans
- Homosexuality
- Blah blah blah... you see the problem

2. I touched his hands abruptly across the table for the purpose of explaining something only to pull away as abruptly. Though I didn't want to, I thought he wanted me to. So, just like a girl, I way over thought the whole thing.

3. I made him pay. I mean, I offered to pay, but I had already told him something about someone else not paying, so while I really would have (cause I think he's a super decent guy), I think he felt like he had to. Dang the verbal filter.

So will he call? Who knows. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

First Date, Sushi

So after meeting Queen Anns and chatting with Denver, I really had no interest in eating with MBA, but I had already agreed and I'm not one to back out on plans. So I met him at a sushi place near home (because all vegertarians like uncooked fish?). Conversation could unfortunately be likened to a job interview that just isn't going well. One person knows they aren't going to get the job, the other knows they're not going to offer it. But there you sit keeping up appearances and being polite. So edamame, one glass of wine, and veggie rollswere the cuisine of choice for me. For MBA, two mixed drinks, edamame, california rolls wrapped in salmon, and the special. My total, less than $20. MBA's total, more than $50. This doesn't bother me as geenrally my food costs less that someone who is consuming meat (fish, chicken, beef, lamb, shellfish, goat, alligator.. etc). What does bother me is that MBA clearly learned in school that the best way to make money is to split the check with your date. Now to clarify, I don't mind splitting the check. In fact I suggested that we get separate tabs. My motivation, to avoid any obligatory hug/peck/etc. His motivation, to be a cheap bastard. So I ask for separate tickets, he tells the guy waiting on us, "just split it down the middle." Let's review... me-$20, him-$50. Split down the middle-$35 each plus tip...

Should I want to go out with someone again who makes me pay $15 of his tab for the pleasure of crappy conversation and the awkwardness of sitting with someone who has clearly overexaggerated their height by a good two inches? No. And guess what? In my old age, I've lost the attraction that I used to have for liars and cheap idiots. So, there will be no second date with MBA.

Ladies- If this sounds like what you are looking for and you want to throw money down someone else's throat, let me know. I'll set you up. I have a feeling he'll be having more first dates than repeat dates for a long time to come.

Monday, April 21, 2008

First Date: Seeing Stars

Not romantic stars... hockey. The best way to get through a first date that has potential to be terribly awkward is to do something that you can enjoy no matter who you are with you can still enjoy.

Despite everything great about Queen Ann's on paper, it was just so-so. No spark, but I figured I could work through that... with booze. So I drank enough beer to have half a spark but that was squashed with a peck at the end of the night. A peck should leave you wanting more, not glad that it was only a peck. Perhaps I'll give this one another shot... I'm not a quitter.

Silver lining... it was a great hockey game.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

"You need to get laid"

How many times have I heard that recently? I can't even begin to count the number of people who seem to think that would somehow improve my quality of life. Well... here's the truth of the matter. Please grab a notepad, this is good stuff...

Sex leads to cooties. I know what you're thinking. Circle circle dot dot now you have a cootie shot. But like most shots, you really need a booster every so often for that one to stay potent. And honestly, when was the last time you had one. I think mine was in the 80's.

So avoid cooties by avoiding sex.