Saturday, October 25, 2008

Very very very long ride

I went for long ride today. I talked to George (the team captain) a while back about my inability to ride more than about 35 miles at a time. So this week I made a push to move past the boredom and log more miles. I mapped out a route that made it impossible to give in unless I wanted to hitch a ride home. No small loops today. Just one big loop.

My legs went a bit numb after a while. My head couldn't clear out the same way it does in the pool. I was distracted by cars and self doubt at my plan. I think what makes swimming long distances so easy is that I feel completly emptied out. All the mess and stress and what nots fade away. Swimming is something easy that I can do on autopilot. Cycling... not so much.

I feel tension in my back and shoulders. I flinch at every noise from behind. I realize I am white knuckling the handle bars and shifting constantly trying to find a comfort zone. People honk. Some pass too close. I am in the middle of nowhere and I want to get back in the car, head home and put on my swim suit and get in the pool.

74 miles later I am back at my car. I feel a sense of accomplishment at the distance, but not joy. I don't know what it is about this that makes me so uneasy.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Why I Shouldn't Have a Cell Phone

The convenience of a cell phone causes a number of problems for someone with little self control. The whole mess started because I was calling my cycling mentor Brad.


"Hey! Brad?"


Simple enough. I start rambling about my bike, falling, new pedals, personal lubricant that they sell at the bike shop to prevent chafing, hotel rooms on the trip, etc.



"I don't know what you are talking about. But I'm so glad to hear from you."

Crap crap crap... who did I call? Apparently I called one-date-never-call-him-back-so-why-did-I-save-his-number-Brad. Dang it. So I bail on the call with a complete lack of grace. Frankly I'm ashamed of myself at a level that I usually don't attain. Congrats dumb girl.

I start in the "A"s, deleting the random guys phone numbers that I clearly don't need.

Aaron no last name
Andy Flying Saucer
Andy Starbucks
Brad no last name
Chris Chuys
Chris Good Chapstick
Chris Sexy Suit
Chris Uptown (clearly foir a while I was on a Chris run)

You get the point.

So about half way through, I stumble across Bob*. Hmmm... I wonder what he's doing. Maybe I should call. No. I made a clean break there. But why? Because I was in a bad place? Because he was too nice? So I text. What an idiot. Why do I do these things? I knew better. It turns into a few days of texting back and forth with no real purpose or end or in site. So I just stop responding.

Now, because of the aforementioned convenience of a cell phone and my girl moment I have opened up something that was perfectly okay closed. We'll have to wait and see how this plays out.

I'm fairly this clearly demonstrates that I am not responsible enough to have a cell phone or at the very least, my cell phone usage should be monitored by an adult.

*Name changed to protect the innocent... obviously since we know said guy falls in the middle of my phonebook

Sunday, October 12, 2008


One big difference between cycling and swimming is my lungs. In water I seem to have less trouble breathing. Maybe it's the humidity. Either way, I fair better.

Today when I was riding I couldn't shake the wheezing. Nothing more than an inhaler would usually fix, but today it was constant. 40 miles of wheezing.

I'm doing this for someone else though. Someone who fought a lot longer than 40 miles worth.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Bonnie: Living with Hodgkin Lymphoma

Post in Bonnie's words... cause she's so awesome it hurts.

I was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma at the age of 23. I had just begun my 2nd semester of my Master's degree, and lived several hours from all my family. So, I began my chemotherapy treatments with friends at my side, which proved to be my saving grace throughout my 7 months of treatment. They were with me every step of the way. I began to lose my hair by the handfuls after only two treatments. I had to resign from school immediately. I tried to stay at work, but after about 4 treatments, discovered that I was too sick to continue there, either. So, I took a 5 month leave of absence, and began to focus solely on healing myself. I had a chemo treatment on my 24th birthday.

It was a hard year, but giving up was never an option. I was declared cancer free nine months after my initial diagnosis, and am healthier today than I was to start with. It has been almost two years since my last treatment, and I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to be healthy again.

My life was put on hold temporarily, but has now fallen back into place, if a little differently than originally planned. The final piece of what I was working on before I was diagnosed is almost complete, as I completed my Master's degree this summer.

Bonnie is an integral part of the office where I work. It never surprises me how many people are affected by Leukemia and Lymphoma, but it always surprises me who those people are.