Monday, November 17, 2008

The Accomplices

The Cynic- The Cynic raised her daughter to adulthood (or some facsimile of) and can't fathom why anyone would be concerned with dating to this degree when they haven't even reached thirty. Since she has a knack for finding broken men, hopefully she'll be able to spot them and push them out of the way before I trip on them. The Cynic is into "play dates" and due to her affinity for younger men, serious relationships are, at present, out of the question.

Joedonna Sparkle- Joedonna Sparkle married while still in high school and raised three children before dissolving the union after 39 years. Providing a moral compass for the experiment, she will encourage fun... but since she's my mom... only fun on a junior high level. To be clear, I wasn't that much fun in junior high. Joedonna sees things as a mother, a best friend, and a strong woman who always made the best of things.

The Soccer Mom- Soccer Mom has a get 'er done attitude. She drives an SUV, carts her kids to a thousand activities a week, and works in accounting. After 3 years of long distance dating, the man in her life made her an honest woman and she has been married for 14 years. Two boys, a career, a husband, a dog, parents that live so close they are practically in the same room… Soccer Mom provides the perspective of the working mom who made long distance work. Like Joedonna she will provide a moral compass, but I'm certain she'll be more lenient in hopes of a good laugh at my expense.

Ali Katt- Ali is the youngest of the accomplices. I tried to equate her to Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) so I could tell people she had more sex than a hooker. She reminded me that she was more like Carrie cause she keeps going back to her version of Big. Either way, she provides the perspective of early twenties, never been married, men are like a box of chocolates/Lays potato chips… you never know what you're going to get and you can't eat just one.

Mrs. Texas- Born and raised in DFW, Mrs. Texas is fairly content with marriage or the single life, either way she knows men still get on your nerves and still manage to occasionally surprise you. She's been single, married, married with kids, divorced with kids, and remarried with kids but still manages to keep her single-working-mom-of-two-while-husband-lives-in-another-state lifestyle in tact. “I am a Texas woman. I don’t need a man’s help to keep things running!” are words she lives by. Part couch potato and part princess, Mrs. Texas doesn't believe in Prince Charming or fairly tale love, but that hasn't stopped her from kissing more than a few frogs.

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