Saturday, January 24, 2009
Date 4: Teal Shirt... I think I just threw up in my mouth
Clarissa explains it all and the triathlete call dibs on teal shirt before I even notice him, so while I will be spending 4 minutes with him, I will not be enjoying his company further. Is it fair to call dibs in this manner? No, and usually I would call BS on the whole business of calling dibs, but Teal Shirt is a walking nightmare and Clarissa explains it all and the triathlete clearly called dibs just in case he was wearing a giant full body (with mask and poorly cut wig) suit that he would rip off at the end of the night exposing his true sexy self… or at least a man who looked as though he had checked himself out in a mirror since the 90s. Little did we know at that point that Teal Shirt might have been the best the night had to offer.
Teal Shirt sits down and I am thankful I only have to spend 4 minutes of my life talking to him. No less unfortunate looking than this fellow, it turned out that Teal Shirt had bigger problems than his looks. He informed me of his goals… eventually finish school, get a job doing… something… get remarried (that’s right, I may have been unable to find a spouse, but Teal Shirt, he has had at least some level of success even though it ended in heart breaking divorce that took him all of 3 weeks to get over before he started speed dating, though technically it didn’t even take that long cause he said he has been to a lot of speed dating events… yikes)… live in Dallas County forever. Go ahead, picture Squints from The Sandlot… For-ev-er. For-ev-er.
At this point I am sorry to admit exactly how judgmental and rude of a person I am (probably why I’m single), but Teal Shirt is causing me pain. I start to laugh and have to cover my mouth. He’s so sad. I try to stop laughing. I snort. I choke back more laughter. My eyes start to water. I have no control over the fact that I am laughing at this guy to his face. The triathlete says I just looked like I was enjoying the conversation. That’s good, because what I was really enjoying was his pain.
After what seemed like eternity, I was put out of misery. Surely this is as bad as it will get.