Saturday, January 24, 2009

Date 7: What? Do you swim too?


Suit jacket sits down. I ask how his night is going and he tells me it's okay since he has a beer. Begin dissertation on how much he loves Shiner.

"If you love Shiner beer and barbecue, you should look into Shiner GASP... actually it may have a different name now."

"What is that? Is there beer?"

"Well you meet in Austin and ride your bike 102 miles to-"

"What? Do you swim too?"

He sounds completely disgusted at the fact that I would mention a bike and then assumes that must mean (as appalling as it was to him) that I also swim.

"Yes. Why?"

"Well that girl swims and run and bikes and does those triathlons and-"

"Yes, I know, that's my friend Tiffany."

At this point the conversation is dead in the water. He has such a level of disdain on his face. This must be how Teal Shirt, Piano Man and Sandy Blonde Mess felt sitting across from me. No, surely I was friendlier than his guy is being. Then a break in the clouds. A moment of hope. A glimmer.

"So what else is at that bike thing?"

I perk right back up. I love talking about these things.

"Free beer, brewery tours, live music, barbecue, vegan options-"

"I didn't even think they let those... vegetarians into Texas... Wait let me guess... you're one of those people too."

So two minutes into our four minute almost love connection, it was over. I didn't bother speaking anymore and neither did suit jacket. FYI, I work with an office full of guys I see in suit jackets. Funeral home directors wear suit jackets. Door to door office supply salesmen wear suit jackets. The two attorney's that bought me some fries earlier because they felt sorry for me after they saw me talking to Teal Shirt are wearing suit jackets. Wearing a suit jacket does not make you awesome. I'm actually certain you've had a full awesomectomy removing all the awesome you once had and leaving you a shell of man in a suit jacket who says offensive things to the lifelong swimmer recently turned pescatarian from vegetarian. Oh, it does get you nicknamed Suit Jacket. Kudos on that big accomplishment, Suit Jacket.

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