Tuesday, October 15, 2013

A Message for the Man About to Marry my Friend

Every man about to embark on the lifelong commitment to the woman of his dreams should get a letter.  Or a list.  Rules perhaps.  The duty to pass along those rules can come from anyone... anyone except the bride to be.  That would just be wrong. But mother in laws, best friends, sisters... all fair game in the letter/list writing business. But what should go in that letter?   Well, that's up to you and the woman you represent.  For one of my very best ladies, I went with the following: 

Happy Wife = Happy Life

A brief summary on how to keep Chelsea (and the people who love her) happy

  1. Never yell at Chels... unless there is imminent danger (alligator in the closet, house is on fire, space debris headed toward her, etc).
  2. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be Chelsea. Heck, she's probably right anyway. 
  3. Neglect anything and everything else (laundry, hockey - even the Bruins, beer, etc) if it means not neglecting Chelsea. 
  4. Everyone says "don't go to bed angry".  Really? Go to bed as mad as you want.  But don't wake up that way. Honestly, exhaustion does not make reconciliation easier, but snuggling under the sheets might.
  5. Tell her something wonderful every day. Not just, "gee, you're pretty..." Something like, "Seriously, Chels, I'm so freaking lucky! You are a thousand times better than steak and potatoes and I love you more than sleep. Now get your sexy self over here for a sensual smooch... BAM!"
  6. ALWAYS take her side if she's upset with someone... even if it's me. She needs to know you always have her back.
  7. Don't forget to write it down. Chelsea loves the adorable doodles you make for her. Don't stop giving them to her until your hands shrivel up from severe arthritis. Then pay one of your grandkids to draw them for you. 
  8. Ladies first. Hold open the door for Chelsea.  Kidding. That's nice and all, but I mean during SEXY TIME. Brown chicken brown cow... 
  9. Be a solid bathroom buddy. Toilet seat down. Tinkle in not on the toilet. Dry floors are key, champ.
  10. We know you love Chels.  Otherwise we wouldn't have let you sweep her off her feet and all the way to Boston. Remember to tell her that you love her EVERY DAY. No exceptions. 

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